When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
