If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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