There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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