just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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