You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
