she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
