i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
