Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
