I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
