can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
