ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
