They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
