he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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