Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
