UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
