"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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