dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
