dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
