he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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