maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
