Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
