You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
