my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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