You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
a search helicopter?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
