Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
