guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
