Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Congratulations! We have a period
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