On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
