I just threw up on my dentist
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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