I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
