My girlfriend figured out who you are.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
