i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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