you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
