Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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