Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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