So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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