Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
