We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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