Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
