Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
