If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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