they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
