I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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