im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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