Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
