how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
