You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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