So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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