I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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