Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
