Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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