He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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