@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
