stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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