we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
