Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
