I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
