ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
