Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
