I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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