If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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