whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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