if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
