your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
