In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
third nipple confirmed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
