operation harelip BJ is a go
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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