I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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