Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
