this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
