We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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