i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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